Everyone has known for a long time that Minecraft is much, much too violent. It would be best for everyone if all the action and survival elements within the game were just removed in favor of a more welcoming and happy enviroment. Luckily Mojang agrees, as they’ve just released the patch notes for 1.10. It’s named “The Love and Hugs Update” and it does just the things I’ve mentioned above. Also, “Rabbits are fluffy.” Indeed, Mojang. Indeed.
Mojang’s Dinnerbone took to the Mojang blog to announce the studio’s plans for this now available snapshot. It’s surprising that he was able to post it at all, considering how it gave him a privilege over the other members of the Mojang team and thus did not support their efforts to create equality. Well, I guess we have to acknowledge that Mojang still has a long ways to go:
“We are in a very unique position to make a difference to the world and we have decided to accept this new role in society. We’ve thought long and hard about this, but we finally feel happy to announce that we are now changing the general direction of the game Minecraft. Starting from the next update we will be focusing on the things that make life worth living, promoting healthy relationships with the environment and its inhabitants.”
Here are just a few highlights from Mojang’s 1.10 update patch notes. You can read the full notes for the patch over on Mojang’s official blog:
- We have removed the ability to directly harm other creatures. You should be rewarded for helping, not hurting.
- Added a new “Love” meter. This fills up the more you help others, and others help you.
- “Survival” mode has been renamed to “Existence”.
- “Monsters” are no longer named as such. The preferred term is “Inhabitants”, as they live in this world just like you or me.
- Steve and Alex have realized that the inhabitants are not evil, and just want to hug and get along.
- Lava has been replaced with liquid cheese. It’s delicious and much safer!
- Horses can no longer be ridden as this was deemed unfair to the horses.
- In compensation to the horses, they can now ride on your shoulders.
It’s good to see that everyone is now on the same page in the Minecraft universe, with all animals and Steves equal in the eyes of their creators.
Anyone who hasn’t already realized that this is Mojang’s April Fools’ Joke should probably go back over those patch notes again. Besides, everyone knows that the next major patch will be Microsoft turning the game free-to-play and enabling microtransactions for most in-game actions. Oof, that joke’s probably a little too on-the-nose, isn’t it? Love and hugs, everybody. Remember love and hugs.