Turkey scans the waiting room of the parent-teacher conference for any conversations that look ripe for some anti-Minecraft agenda. In the corner, near the pyramid of alphabet blocks, Poland and Belgium are discussing the recent failures of the school’s soccer team over Beanie Weenies and paper cups of Hawaiian Punch. As Turkey moves closer, it becomes apparent that Poland’s refreshment contains a hint of vodka.
“I dunno, I think we could use a good goalkeeper. You think Spain’s kid would be interested?” Poland’s question is punctuated by sips and masked winces.
“I’m sure my little one would love the opportunity!” interjects Turkey, “There’ll be plenty of free time once we get that insipid Minecraft out of the house. My partner and I, we like to call ourselves the ‘Family and Social Policies Ministry’, decided that there’s just too much violence in the game! You can murder those poor blocky animals any time you wish. Just yesterday I saw my child slaughtering a pig in his ‘farm’. It was horrifying!”
Belgium, on the verge of slipping another toothpick-speared Beanie Weenie into his mouth, blinks and begins to slowly lower the item back onto his plate.
Poland is the first to respond. “Wow, that’s pretty harsh, even for you. Think your kid’s gonna hold a grudge?”
“Of course not! We thought the tears would never end when we took away 4chan and Richard Dawkins’ website, but those dried up soon enough. Just to be safe, we even removed access to any Wikipedia articles related to genitalia. You know, my partner and I tried to take away the Youtube, but, between you and me, we like to lift the ban every now and then and sneak on there together late at night.”
Poland takes one last gulp from the spiked punch and sighs, hoping it’s next in line for conferences.